The wedding is just over a week away and despite outward appearances, I am highly stressed and riddled with anxiety. Anyone would think I was the one getting married and not my sister. There’s so much that could go wrong though, especially with the Corona virus edging ever closer to our town. There’s every chance we won’t be allowed to travel by Thursday, which is causing me major anxiety issues. Bear’s work has already ‘suggested’ not to.
Another issue is that because she’s my sister, I won’t be able to just melt into the background unobserved and become my usual forgettable self. This is an up close and personal experience and one that I don’t want to be remembered for screwing up. I’m going to have to be on display for photos and be sociable with people I don’t know, smiling a lot and chatting with confidence and I just don’t have the energy for all that as well as keeping up my reputation for being the crazy sister.!
Something I used to use to it’s fullest potential when I was younger and had the energy and confidence to not give a shit what people thought of my antics. But I’m not young anymore and while I still don’t give a shit what people think, I’m very much concerned about what my sister and her new husband will think of me. Hence the demure black dress and proper coloured hair. ‘Mutton dressed as lamb’ is not a label I need.
There’s also the problem of the ferry. A 13 hour overnight sail from Amsterdam into Newcastle Upon Tyne. I barely sleep as it is and only when everything is quiet and still… a ferry bobbing up and down like a yo-yo is not going to be conducive to a good night’s sleep and I’m going to be stuck with it for 13 hours.! I’m seriously considering a sedative. I’ve already packed the anti-sickness pills and made sure I have enough books on my iPad to keep me going…