Today started late, with me going back to sleep after Bear got up for college. I finally surfaced around 10.15am, with no inclination to do anything, so just grabbed my robe and made my way downstairs to see what food there was. I’m supposed to be making fish chowder today, but even the thought is making me feel nauseous.
Having burnt the toast (I like it that way) I finally managed to vacuum downstairs, not really difficult with an open plan kitchen/diner/family room, just extend the vacuum pole fully and stand in the middle of the room. Easy. So at least I did something productive today. Still have to do upstairs, but it can wait until I’m in the mood, and I’ve just noticed the kitchen floor needs a good scrub… ugh.!
UPDATE: Bear came home an hour and a half earlier than normal, bringing kibbeling with him. Best start to a day in ages. I finally managed to get my butt in gear around 2pm and with Bear’s help changed the bed, vacuumed upstairs and finally got on with making chowder. So it’s been a fairly productive day, even though I started late. 🙂
Bear informs me that looking through people’s Facebook profiles is perfectly normal behaviour and that he does it all the time. Apparently he also goes through men’s profiles too, but as I’ve not seen that happen (and had I, the conversation would have been very different, had there even been a need for it in the first place) in the five months I’ve been observing him, I can’t say either way. I don’t go through people’s profiles and upon asking friends, have been informed they don’t either.
The profiles he goes through are people in the same Facebook ‘geek’ group as him, whose comments and photos interest him enough to check their profiles and photos for more interesting stuff. Innocent enough to my mind, except for the regularity of the profile checking, which he explained is because since he joined the group last March, he’s only been active on there for the past 5 months after an influx of Comic Convention photos of Marvel cosplayers back in the Summer.
Why he didn’t say that on Saturday night, instead of getting all defensive and looking guilty as sin as he told me he had no excuse for his behaviour, and then pretending like nothing had been said and dropping it like it wasn’t deserving of his attention, knowing that would piss me off even more and I’d really start to get suspicious is beyond me. He might be highly intelligent, but sometimes he’s completely clueless.
After 24 hours of him avoiding the issue and carrying on as normal, I blew.! Waiting until he got home I confronted him about it, asking if there was anything I had to be concerned about with his online behaviour.? He said there absolutely was not, and that he thought we’d sorted it all out on Saturday… When I explained that 5 months observing him checking out other women was not something you just sorted with flat out denial and avoidance of the issue, he realised that his behaviour had been somewhat concerning, and his reaction to my asking him about it, even more so.
Hence an apology, a hug and an agreement that next time I observed him doing something odd and asked him about it, a full explanation and reassurance that he wasn’t doing anything I needed to be concerned about would be forthcoming, rather than flat out denial.
It’s taken five months of watching Bear checking out women’s Facebook profiles for me to finally lose my shit.! Three times in one week is excessive, and while I don’t think he’s up to anything shady, his behaviour is a cause for concern. At first I thought nothing of it, she could well have been someone he knew, a work colleague, fellow college student, or political body, or a friend of a friend who’d made a witty comment on something, I know he likes to check out the humorous ones for more humorous content he might be able to use elsewhere.
After 3 months I started leaning more towards the WTF is he up to.? path of thinking. Every time I caught a glimpse of his ipad or iphone screen, there was a woman’s photo, or a whole batch of the same woman’s face in lots of photos with others, so he obviously was checking through her photos and information… but why.? There wasn’t a trend to it, the women were all different, mostly white, but an occasional ethnic woman would pop up, and he’d scroll through the posts, check out the photos and go back up to the profile photo.
He’s not the stalker type, and he’s not one to engage people in conversation first… so why is he checking out women. Did we have a problem he didn’t want to talk to me about.? We certainly had a problem, but how was I supposed to approach it without sounding accusatory or making him feel guilty for something that could well be innocent. He does have a track record for doing dumb shit that he thinks is acceptable though, even while in a relationship, eg. chatting to his ex-, loving her photos, making twee comments on her posts; putting his phone in his pocket when it beeps, and disappearing off to the toilet; maintaining the joint Facebook account he had with his ex-, and allowing her to have copies of photos I took of him.!
Yeah, he can on occasion be as dumb as a post, and a lot less communicative. Come Saturday night, having seen him checking out a redhead, after witnessing him checking out a dark haired woman on Wednesday, and a blonde the week before, I had a bit of a moment. “Why do I keep seeing you checking out women’s profiles on Facebook.?” I ask. And there it is… the stunned look that then is followed by an innocent look, and absolute denial… I’m an old hat at this, my kids used to pull the same BS when they’d done something they knew was sketchy…
“I’m not. Why would you think that.? Where has this come from.?”
Don’t you just hate it when assumptions are made and conclusions jumped to.? Even WordPress is doing it… “Oh, you wrote the word WEAR in your blog title, so we’ll assume you want to blog about fashion and put that in the domain name.!” Dumbasses. This is NOT a fashion blog. It’s a daily ramble, rant, mindless-muttering, brainless wittering on kind of blog, with pithy sarcasm and the occasional giggle… I have zero interest in fashion. I wear whatever is to hand and comfy… regardless of colour or how it looks… I wear men’s clothes occasionally, and none at all most of the time during April-September.