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Dealings With My Ex, Mutual Friends & The New Bed

I got a nasty surprise yesterday that temporarily caused my rather sensitive stress levels to rise like a Pheonix. #2 son messaged me and asked if he could have my mobile number, as his father wanted to talk to me about something really important. The very mention of the man still causes my stress levels to rise and my caustic sarcasm to surface. Having not one miniscule reason to want to talk to the guy, even to exchange unpleasantries, I refused and told him his father could email me. Explaining that past experience had taught me that anything his father vocalised was always to be taken the wrong way by me and vice versa. Which is why we are in the stand-off we are and have been since December 2017.

So he suggests Messenger, which means that I not only have to unblock my ex-husband from my Facebook, but that he would also have access through mutual friends to my comments and posts on other people’s profiles. Not happy, but as I haven’t written anything about him in four years not unduly worrying. So I unblocked him, read what he wrote and agreed to the proposal. Somewhat surprisingly I discovered my name was on the property deeds of a house he bought in December 2006. The only involvement I had with that house was re-decorating it in three days, after he bought it three weeks before we were due to relocate to Germany.! So to suddenly be told my name was on the deeds was something of a ‘Eh.?’ moment.

I have no idea why my name would be put on the deeds, because I had no job, so no income, didn’t pay tax and to be honest, it wasn’t like my ex- to include me in anything remotely ‘adult’ when we were together. I was a possession just as much as the house was. That aside, he explained that he needed to make changes to the mortgage that he’d had on the place since 2006 and was thinking of re-financing because his current tenant had been furloughed from his job and couldn’t afford to pay the full rent, so my ex- had been subsidising the rest and wanted to ask for a mortgage holiday until such time as the pandemic conditions had been lifted. Which he couldn’t do without my consent.

He asked if I’d sign the house over to him as I had no stake in it and didn’t live in the UK either and hadn’t for fourteen years. I agreed to the proposal. Bear thinks I’m mad not to get some kind of financial deal out of it. I got nothing out of my divorce, I was lied about in the most vindictive, vicious ways, I lost my children, people I had believed were friends, I was painted as a cheating slut across social media and even my own family weren’t sure what was true and what wasn’t. Bear thinks a dose of revenge by financially screwing my ex- over would be a little justice, but honestly, it wouldn’t. It would make everything worse. I want nothing from that man. Absolutely nothing. For me, there is nothing there anymore, not even hatred.

He can have his house, keep all his tens of thousands of pounds and good luck to him. My life is far happier without him in it and I intend to keep it that way. My ex- is and always was manipulative, narcissistic and vicious and would take a great deal of pleasure in painting me as a money grabber and himself as a victim of greed and revenge if he didn’t get exactly what he wanted and not only do I not care enough to bother, I won’t have my sons hurt by his petty behaviour, again. Another surprise upon unblocking my ex- was finding that my sister is a mutual friend, as is my stepmother’s best friend and #1 son. It’s surprising because my ex- tried to get my sister to be his wedding photographer back in 2016 and offered to ‘bung’ her £200.

Honestly, he thought he could pay a semi-professional photographer £200 for his wedding photos just because she was ex-family. She made her excuses and he had to find a photographer who gave him exactly what he paid for. I felt for his new bride when I saw the photos he posted to Facebook. Yet another wedding done on the cheap. My stepmother’s best friend being on his friend’s list surprises me because he doesn’t like her and used to call her a dike, a slang term for a lesbian, because she lives with my parents and is closer than a best friend to my stepmother. My ex- thought their relationship was weird and kept going on about it being sexual, and called my father a cuck. So for her to be friends with him, is a little odd.

#1 son I guess is only keeping him on a friends’ list to keep an eye on him. #1 son said he despises his father for being instrumental in the death of his dog, who was put to sleep in November for some bullshit reason that basically amounted to my ex- being a negligent bastard, which is nothing new and the poor dog having age related issues. #1 son was devastated at her death and swore he’d never speak to his father again. We shall see.

Yesterday, Bear bought a bed from a local buy and sell website. He’s been looking for a king-size frame to put our old mattresses on so that we can sleep down in the cellar in the height of summer, when our bedroom is like a furnace. Unfortunately our house faces the morning sun and backs onto the setting sun, so we have searing heat all day in July and August and trying to sleep in 30 degree Celsius heat is impossible. I used to drag the mattresses down into the cellar and put them on plastic on the floor, unfortunately the cellar floor is concrete and absorbs and retains moisture, so the plastic was often wet when I tried to move the mattresses back upstairs. So Bear’s been looking for a frame.

He found this awesome electric bed, where you can move the slats up and down at the head and foot of the bed for only €75. It was the perfect size and could be dis-assembled to fit in the car, so Bear went to get it. Today he decided he’d rather have the electric bed upstairs and our bed bases in the cellar. So he moved everything out of our room into the girl child’s and took the electric bed upstairs and assembled it. Only to find it’s too narrow.! It’s not a king-size, it’s a queen-size. So now he’s pissed because he’s spent an hour moving furniture for no reason and has a bed we can’t use. He considered buying queen size mattresses for it, but I pointed out that spending €800 on mattresses for a bed we won’t use, except for novelty value was not a good idea.

And we won’t use it for anything but sleeping on. We don’t laze around in bed on the weekends and we don’t go to bed to read in the evenings. Bear’s usually out cold within two minutes of his head hitting the pillow and I wake up in pain, so there’s little chance I’m going to stay in bed once I’m awake, unless I haven’t slept well for a couple of days, then I’ll sleep in for an hour or so. None of the above would involve raising the head or foot of the bed. We don’t have the kind of health problems that would benefit from it, which makes me wonder why Bear bought it in the first place. Obviously Bear bought it on impulse because it was a bargain price and we needed a bed frame. He considered the electric part an added bonus and a bit of fun. Ever the teenager, that man. 🙂


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