Bear had a conference call this afternoon and right there is a whole load of bullshit… conference call my ass, there were three women showing on his screen and they discussed whatever the hell was relevant to the call for about five minutes and then spent the remaining 50 minutes on a social hang-out giggling and shooting the shit. So this is conference calling is it.? Hanging out chatting with your work/college/study buddies and calling it work.?
Like it actually means something gets done. Sod all has gotten done by Bear this morning, when he said he’d go through his clothing and bring the stuff that’s been dumped in the girl child’s room down to the cellar to put in storage. They’re going to be here Friday and he has today, tomorrow and Wednesday off. Guess who’s going to be lugging heavy boxes down two flights of stairs on their own.? Yeah, not Bear. So far he’s gone through his t-shirts…
I went through a cupboard that’s usually kept locked in the boy child’s room. It’s been some time since the stuff in there has seen the light of day, so I figure it can go down into the cellar as well. Bear’s not interested in kink and the BD side of BDSM anymore, 😦 the damned Internet has taken all his attention again. You pay out a small fortune on leather corsets, collars, restraints and latex clothing and a decent Dominant’s kit and it gets used a few times and then left in a cupboard.
We used to be so much more active in the scene. It used to be a major part of my lifestyle before I met Bear. I’d been trained and had trained others in both Dominant and submissive roles and had a very respectful following and then Bear happened and it all got left behind because he felt insecure and unable to explain that he was more interested in the sex than the learning. Didn’t take me long to figure it out though and decide I wasn’t going down that road.
I’m a 100% or 0% kind of girl. There’s no 98% with me. So it went away and the dull, monotonous vanilla life of routines and sex in the dark took over… yawn.! Am I resentful.? Well, actually yes, I am. I spent 20 years in the lifestyle and was bloody good at what I did and when I met Bear he was all about BDSM and learning and gaining experience and then just decides after five years of dabbling, on a whim, that he doesn’t want the rules and etiquette’s and lessons, just the kinky sex… so yes, I’m resentful, but I hide it well.
20 years is hard to leave behind, but he’s more important to me than pretty much everything else (my children excepted) so I’ll follow him and store our stuff until such time as he decides he wants to partake again, if ever, and I’ll be grateful for the time he gives me in whichever role he chooses. For now, we’re down to living La Vida Loca, which can get a little exciting, but not too much; too much excitement is exhausting these days.
Dear Diary... 
You must be logged in to post a comment.