Today I’m a bit stressed. Not as stressed as yesterday, but there’s still a trace of anxiety going on in my general vicinity. I’ll get over it, I always do, but it takes a bit of time. This time it was caused by Bear inviting a complete stranger into the house for coffee yesterday without a single word of warning. He knows I can’t deal with new people without some preparation. He knows it stresses me the fuck out and makes me anxious and jumpy and nervous. He did it anyway.
And I was. Stressed out, anxious, jumpy and pissed off at being completely unprepared for my safe place to be violated by a total stranger who sat beside me and drank coffee and tried to make small talk with me. Small talk. Me. I don’t do small talk because I can’t do small talk. Literally, I can’t.! I’m not one of those people who can discuss the weather, world events or the latest trend at the drop of a hat. I need time to think about these things before offering any sort of opinion or comment.
So I sat in front of my laptop screen, listening to Bear and his colleague chat, trying to concentrate on the words so I understood a little of what was going on, trying to stop myself from leaving the room in a panic. I was pissed at Bear for being so bloody inconsiderate, knowing I can’t deal with the situation, but I also understood that Bear very likely didn’t even give it a second thought… it wouldn’t have occurred to him to say anything because he forgets stuff like that… consideration is not an inbuilt thing with him.
He certainly didn’t do it deliberately and if I’d explained to him again, as I have so many times before, that what he’d done had caused me stress and anxiety he’d have been so apologetic and would say he should have remembered and he’ll never do it again. But he will do it again, and again, and again, because he forgets, so there’s little point bringing it up and making him feel bad. I deal with my stresses in my own way and in a day or so, I’ll get over it and be relatively okay again.
After he’d gone to work yesterday, I tidied around a bit and did some laundry and continued browsing the internet for suits and smart shoes for Bear, when I came across these babies… 90’s grunge Go-Go boots.! I would have sold my soul for a pair of these back in the day… I still might.! 90’s grunge is so my thing… Nirvana, Blind Melon, Mudhoney, Pearl Jam, Alice In Chains, Hole, Soundgarden and Smashing Pumpkins are a daily ‘must have’, regardless of other genres I’m listening to.
Today, I’m mostly doing sweet F all. Every other Sunday is my sod it day. When the kids aren’t here, Bear’s at work and I can kick back and do whatever I want without having to get chores done. Although I did make Bear a sweet potato stir fry for his dinner. I’ll grab something from the freezer later when I can be bothered. I did next week’s meal plan and made a shopping list for tomorrow, so I’m done. I might play on the Xbox in a bit.