Today is gonna be a long ass day.! It started just before 6am… 6AM people.! 😮 Like… who starts a day that early.? Bear… Bear starts a day that early… most days in fact… because he’s weird… and has to start work at 7.30am. Anyway, 6am I’m listening to Bear shower, trying desperately not to run for the toilet because my bladder is all kinds of demanding, but it’s warm in bed and freezing outside of it and I don’t wanna… but know I’m fighting a losing battle because… bladder.
So I wait until Bear goes downstairs and race to the bathroom for that blissful release experience… no, not that one.! 😉 I’m not looking forward to today because Bear is away in Utrecht the entire day, on a forensics convention or some such brainy thing, doing lectures and workshops and learning stuff too complex for my understanding at such an early hour. And he won’t be back until 9- or 10pm. That’s 14 hours from now.! Yes, I’m counting. On the plus side we had a lightning storm.
I LOVE storms. Thunder, lightning, torrential rain, even hailstones, which we had this morning, brighten my day. I love the smell of ozone in the morning. I love snow too…. but we never seem to get the decent stuff anymore, just the powdery, crunchy stuff you can’t do a damned thing with. I wanna build a snowman.! Alone and without musical accompaniment and singing and daft movie references. Thank you. I need coffee.
Today, I shall mostly be catching up on the writing I should have been doing these past few months, instead of wallowing in self pity and feeling like crap because I constantly remind myself of all the fuck up’s I’ve made and people I’ve hurt in life by writing about them. It’s a vicious circle really but it needs doing. You can’t live the kind of life I have and keep it all bottled up and festering. It’s like having a ticking bomb in your head, set to self destruct with the slightest attempt at deactivation.
So I write and relive every painful, humiliating, dumb-ass thing I’ve ever done, said and thought was funny, and then found wasn’t. There’s a fair bit of it. It’s not pretty, but it must be done or Bear will have to reserve me a padded room and a course of therapy and one of those hug-myself jackets that are so chic, so I’ve heard and pretty yellow pills that make me happy and help me forget. God, wouldn’t that be great… can I get them with my coffee.?
Right now, I have Spotify playing my Chooooonz playlist… ♫♫ got to be done, especially when writing. Music soothes the beast you set free when writing about life and makes it less scary and easier to manage. Have a great day. ♥♥♥
Dear Diary... 
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